Jennifer Zalewski Studio

Well after my last un-photo’ed, un-fettered blog post, I thought I’d post something a bit more fun…a Doggy Update!  Lela has settled in great. I mean–it’s like she’s been here all her life. She’s awesome. Have we had some struggles? Well a few bumps but nothing really serious. She’s agile as a monkey and has no problems jumping up on the counters & tables, laying in the sink, and generally treating the furniture like its her own personal jungle gym. Usually I don’t catch her–just see the telltale signs afterward when I get home from work (strangely she never touches the food on the counter? But everything is knocked over. Pawprints. That sort of thing).

She’s getting better about eating. Still finicky but canned food helps.

I put her on DVP Natural Balance Allergy formula to help with the constant itching/scratching/licking. It’s helped a LOT. But not totally. So … is she allergic to something not in the food? Is it just residual OCD?

She has no focus whatsoever. Distracted by ANY little thing. It’s not a big deal. We’re starting a “puppy kindergarten” class for adult dogs next week.   I’m worried at how Jack will feel being left behind–I know he’s going to feel bad and pitch a hissy– which I hate. Sigh.

Miss Lela and Jack continue to get along well and build their relationship. There have been two times, both in play, when things got a bit “out of control” and transformed from “Happy Happy Joy Joy GatorMouth!” to “Oh-my-God-I’m-going-to-rip-your-f*cking-face-off-you-little-bitch!” I was there both times, and both involved Jack attempting to end the playtime –with Lela not getting the hint at ALL– Jack getting angry and going off on her. When this usually happens, Lela backs up and skulks off, but for some reason these two times she took offense and decided to fight back.I broke it up easily, no harm no foul no blood.

Again, there’s usually a few ‘scuffles’ when a new dog comes in so I was kind of expecting something. I’ll not be surprised if more comes down the road as she settles in further.

A very, very strange (and funny) quirk: When I throw a toy for Lela, she runs at it full-speed and throws herself at it. I mean literally- throws herself ass over kettle. It’s already hit the ground so it’s not like she’s trying to catch it? I don’t know why she does this? It CAN’T feel good, lol. So odd.

We’ve been dogsitting this week! This is Pre, a 7 y.o. greyhound who has an amazing smile! He’s been such a good boy. Jack ignores him like the plague 90% of the time, but he and Lela enjoy following each other around the yard squirrel hunting (or whatever dogs do in the bushes…).

Jack hasn’t wanted to “hunt” with them, and hangs out with me in the shade. He is very curious watching them though. Is he being lazy? Is it his leg hurting?

He’s on bedrest for 6 weeks because of his limping.

Ha. How the heck do you keep a young dog ‘down’?? A few times he’s really gotten excited and exerted himself, much to my utter dismay. In general he’s following “doctor’s orders” though.

It has been fun having Pre but we did have a few surprises. On our evening walks, a lot of people have been coming out to say hi (or waving from their porches/apartment balconies)– “Oh I’m so glad to see your Brown Dog has gained weight and is looking SO much better!” “Young Lady, your tan dog is finally looking healthy again! I’m glad to see he’s doing well!”  Yeah, they think Pre is Clifford.  It happens EVERY walk. It’s awkward but I’ve gotten used to it. “Oh Clifford passed away, I’m babysitting this one…” Then THEY stammer something awkward, and I try to laugh or make a joke to make them feel better, and we go on our way, everyone looking/feeling sheepish…A W K W A R D.

Unfortunately yesterday (98 degrees) and today (101 degrees) it has been way too hot for walks. I’ve been keeping the dogs occupied with air conditioning, lamb femurs (Tractor Supply, $1.99 each!) and frozen cups of yogurt.

How do people who live down south and out west cope with these temperatures all summer? We’re only on Day 2 of the Heat Wave and already stir crazy…

After consulting with 3 vets and 2 orthopedic specialists– none of which can agree on what’s going on, or even what part of Jack’s body is sore and causing the limping– we’ve decided to try very-limited-activity and twice-weekly shots of Adequean. It- (the Adequan)- is super expensive but I have high hopes for it. To save some money/time, the vet’s  office, which charges a $15 tech fee for giving the shot, was going to give us a personal training session re: Giving Injections In the Privacy of Your Own Home. I’m super queasy and needle-phobic but everyone has said that giving shots is a piece of cake.  You just lift up the skin in a tent shape and poke, right? I can do that. AND I’m all about facing fears these days, so I agreed to learn how to do the injections myself. I set up a private session with me, Jack, and a tech at the clinic. Easy Squeezy, right?

Nope.

Needless to say…it…  um… didn’t go very well. Not only was my queasy-ness confirmed but my jabbing techniques are also not apparently that fabulous either? Jack ended up screaming bloody murder, cowering against the tech, screaming and screaming, shaking… I ended up on my knees sobbing hysterically and yelling, “I’m fainting! I’m fainting!”… the on-call vet and another tech had to rush in and help us….

It was not the best Saturday Morning of my life.

On Tuesday Jack went in for his second shot and the (same) Vet Tech was like, “Miss Zalewski do you want to try the injections ag-?”  and before she could finish, I was like, “NO! I mean no. Here’s his leash, have fun.”

Jack did absolutely fine. Got the shot in the rear this time, no screaming at all. As a Reward, he got a hot dog.

And I got a Xanax.

I’m just in a funky/sentimental/ornery/anxious/ utterly confused mood this week. So this post is kind of prattly. Apologies ahead of time. I’ll have a better post later.

*****

A few days ago I got a call from my Dad. We chit chatted awhile before he dropped a bombshell:

“Oh…. Jen… by the way.  Did you hear the news? The Woodswoman died last weekend.”

At first I wasn’t sure I heard right. After all, there is only ONE Woodswoman and… no. She can’t die.  She can’t be that old?  I think I replied something like, “Um… Dad… you don’t mean Anne do you?  For real?”  Or maybe I just said something lame like, “No way.” Or, “Really? Dad?”

“Yes.” Dad paused.  “The newspaper said she died in a nursing home.  What an awful place for a woodswoman to die.”

Anne LaBastille- The Woodswoman– was one of my heroes growing up.  A woman, a writer, living alone in the Adirondack Mountains with her dogs.  My other childhood hero, Susan Butcher, died in 2006. Now both women are dead. I never met either. Never wrote to either. I just lived vicariously through them and really, really loved them. And now they are both gone. It just seems utterly impossible.

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Speaking of feeling old.  Lately I’ve been on a bit of a ‘Life Examination’ mode. My 34^th birthday was last month and although it’s ‘technically’ not old-old, I just feel tired and worn out and… well… old.  I mean, everything I’ve wanted to accomplish in life –live on my own, buy my own house, have my own dogs– has been accomplished.  So what do I work for now? Or do I just skate? How does one go about making grandiose life decisions?

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Speaking of Life Decisions. When you are in your late 20’s and early 30’s, you seem to live in this swirling vortex of marriage and babies. All your friends are getting hitched, getting knocked up, it’s this constant insanity.  I feel myself evaluating my biological clock which has never –um—functioned correctly lol. I’ve NEVER wanted to get married- I find it kind of appalling, why anyone would want that ball and chain? And children?  Children.  I HATE kids. I hate babies. They make my skin crawl. They are ugly, I hate their pre-pubescent hamster voices, I and find them completely pestering and worthless (Is this because I hated myself when I was younger? Is there something wrong with my genetic material? Am I a bad person? What’s wrong with me?).

So I find myself thinking, am I missing out? All the mothers I’ve talked to say being a “mom” is the most amazing thing in the world. But it seems so hard.  If you have a kid, you put your life on hold. All the art workshops and classes I have attended/want to attend? Irresponsible- I’d need to save for my kid’s education. I remember Mom was thinking about going back to school for a vet tech degree but she gave it up so my brothers and I could go to college. Dad sold his truck and our nice camper for our education. My parents never went on vacation for themselves, except for a vacation they won free-of-charge through Dad’s work since he was the top salesman of his company. They were always saving for us and forgoing their own pleasures so we wouldn’t need to take out so many loans during our university years. I just can’t see doing that. I mean, I just really hate kids and to give up all life’s pleasures for the sake of your kids… I just don’t have that in me. I guess I’m selfish.

I mean, I would do anything for my dogs. I’ve sacrificed a shitload of money for Lucy and Clifford, and now Jack with his issues.  But dogs are uncomplicated, easy and so rewarding. Kids just seem like one horrible sacrifice after another. And what if one of them wanted to be a cheerleader, or a ballet dancer? Stab me in the eye with a butter knife.

But I must be missing something. I MUST. Why do women love little kids and babies so much? What do they see that I don’t?

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A few years ago at one of my previous jobs, one of the Directors prying into my personal life kind of sneered at me, “Do REALLY want to be a spinster all your life? Huh?”  The way she said it was pretty scornful and I don’t have a backbone so it kind of hurt my feeling. From what I understand about spinsters in the 1800’s, it was very common for them to live off their mommy and daddy their whole lives. So I guess technically I’m not a spinster thankfully (although Mom and Dad if you are reading this I love you, but don’t worry I won’t mooch off you lol!!!) but maybe I fall in the “Old Maid” category. Or, “Middle-Aged Maid.”

I’ve read a few great books on Lizzie Borden lately. She was a spinster. A very nasty spinster, lol. I’m a nice one… at least in THAT fashion. I’m too nice to even THINK OF axing somebody, although I feel like it sometimes (see snarky vet & doctor comments below, ugh).

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Excuse my language, but I fucking hate the medical universe right now.  Let me count the ways:

1. My prescription drug costs went up, actually tripled. WTF?
2. Jack’s medicine is costing about $300 a month right now (see #3,6)
3. My dogs could probably not have insurance because racing is a great excuse for ‘pre-existing conditions.’ One specialist actually laughed at me last week and was like, “Oh yeah, Greyhound owners always end up having great relationships with their vet clinics! Ha ha!” Yeah, ha ha.
4. This winter I had some medical tests come back abnormally and the doctors decided I needed to come back to re-test. This is super annoying. I came back and tested abnormal again. So now they want me to come back to re-test AGAIN.  I mean… really?? Why are they making me waste my time?
5. I’m still smarting over this, but my, uh, Lady Doctor told me I had a high BMI (body mass index, i.e. I’m too fat for my height), needed to lose 10 pounds and definitely cut back on the sugar & carbs. This is true (no doubt) but it totally chaps my ass she was lecturing me with a straight face about me being a porker when she is clearly MUCH more of a porker than I am. Isn’t that calling the kettle black? How can you do that?
6. Jack has seen 3 different vets in the past 2 weeks, plus 2 different orthopedic specialists and nobody can agree on what’s making him limp on his right leg. His spine, pelvis/hips, legs and feet all have been x-rayed. So, why am I spending $300 a month on medication when we don’t know what is wrong? I mean really? I am just so frustrated right now. To take the cake, he ripped one of the pads on his left foot pretty badly a few days ago and now is a total gimp on both sides. Lovely.

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My friend Tracy, knowing my occasionally morbid side, sent me an article entitled  Would Your Dog Eat Your Dead Body?  The answer is well yes, of course they would. I googled for more info and have found Shelties, Pugs, and Chihuahuas have all donnered their owners in time of need. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

I guess that’s as good a way as any to end this blog post. Next one will be less prickly, I promise.

-Jen

I can’t believe how Lela has brought out “the dog” in Jack. Those two are constantly mouthing each other, wrestling, and playing what we call “Bitey Face-Gator Mouth.”  *I* certainly wouldn’t want to play with Jack that way… look at that, er, gator mouth!! LOL. But Lela just lovvvvvves it.  Can’t get enough…

I’ve been neglecting my art lately. I guess it’s a natural ebb and flow, but I’m ready to get back in the saddle- even though it’s like 120 degrees out here. / And backswamp humid. Yuck-o.

I’ve wanted to work on a piece dealing with our loud feathered friends that roost in the back yard–European Starlings. They’re raucous, screechy birds that start up about 6AM every morning and continue carrying on all day until we’re ready to pull our hair out, lol. On the Annoyance Scale, they rank second only to Harold*, a crow that constantly (and I mean constantly…) “craws” at the top of his voice. For hours. Usually starting at the buttcrack of dawn on Saturday. Ugh. I love birds but Harold and the Starlings are a trying lot.

Sometimes I wonder if my dogs understand what the birds are saying to each other when they start up with that screeching and cawing. Is that how it works? Is animal language universal? Or are bird calls just background noise, gibberish, like it is to me? There are times I catch Jack and Lela peering at the trees like they’re listening in on a good piece of gossip, lol- and makes me feel, as a human being, very dim-witted. Like I just don’t seem to catch the joke. Kind of a world I’m not a part of. As I sat sketching Jack for this piece, out under the shade of the pine trees, I’d watch him alternate between napping (of course) and scanning the friendly skies.

Maybe he was looking for squirrels. Well of COURSE he looks for squirrels (and cats…) but I think he was listening in, too? Starling chatter. Neighborhood trash talk. Those birds never know when to keep things under wraps.

This will be a linocut with stencil, using some techniques I learned at my recent workshop in Massachusetts. Rummaging through my stack of blocks, I found an unused piece of battleship glued to MDF, and began sketching right away which felt great. Usually I draw on vellum first, but to lessen steps in the process I drew right on the block this time. More immediate, more rewarding. Patience- not my strong suit lol.

In order to minimize failure rates (which, sadly, are high around here… lol) I decided to do a very quick color sketch too. I usually don’t. I’m glad I did though, because I worked out a lot of mistakes that way. I’m worried about Jack’s brindling… it’s going to be a bear!! Lord have mercy!

Parked in the shade with my drawing, Jack and Lela munched on chews to whittle the time away. Yum yum yum.

A last note on Starlings and woodcuts… check out the website, blog and starling art of Jenny Pope.  I learned Reduction printmaking from her at the Ink Shop Printmaking Center in Ithaca several years ago. Her work is amazing!!

Jen

*Our loud crow ‘Harold’ is named after a neighbor of mine, growing up. He used to scream at his poor disabled wife constantly. I mean, he’d keep us kids up at nights, it was so bad. In the summers we’d have our windows open and just have to listen to it all the freaking time.  After he died a few years ago, I learned he was a child molester. C-r-e-e-p-y.  Double y-i-k-e-s. I like Harold the Crow better.

Jack has really adjusted well to having a new Sis.  I think he enjoys Lela more than he ever did Lucy or Clifford- Enjoys being the “big one” (Cliff always towered over him- now Jack gets to do the bossing!), enjoys the playing and company. Still it’s a big change, so I decided to “pamper him” just a bit and get him a new martingale collar from Sirius Republic. I heard about them on the 2 Pitties in the City blog (which is great btw! Add them to your Google Reader!).  Sirius seemed to have a nice variety of collars, REALLY good prices for martingales, plus they have a Collar Recycle program which is cool.  I chose the “Forest Green Floral” for Jack. Whatyathink? ;0)

Jack also has been spending lots of Pamper-time (ha) at the vet. If you noticed in the last Bitey-Face video, he came up “hitching” and limping a bit towards the end. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it or not but Jack’s been limping a tad for the past few months. Nothing major, but after running he’ll take a nap and wake up with the Scream of Death, limp a few feet, then be fine.  I stopped running with him in March because I thought it was running-related. He seemed okay without running. Then he started getting gimpy after really long hikes (like our 6-hour Boston walk). Then he started getting gimpy getting up from a laying-down position, or getting out of the car. Just a few seconds and then he’d ‘walk it off’ so to speak? But it’s just escalated pretty fast to where he’s gimpy most of the time. His gait is juuuuuuusssst enough ‘off’ for me to notice it and flinch a little, you know?

We did go to the vet’s office Wednesday, and after a good exam they told me his right hock was swollen pretty badly, so the limp must be leg-related. He was zonked out for $300 worth of X-rays and sure enough, his hock joint was fractured into 5 or 6 pieces. Ouch. The thing was though, they couldn’t tell whether it was an old or new injury. Jack had cracked his hock while racing back in ’08. The radiologist was on vacation or something and wasn’t around to give his/her opinion so we kind of had to ‘hurry up and wait.’ I hate waiting.

I asked for a referral to Clifford’s and Lucy’s orthopedic specialist, just for another opinion… especially since the radiologist was on vacation… What if he needed surgery or a cast or something? I just don’t like to wait around on stuff. I’d been watching Jack’s ‘hitch’ since March, trying to do the home remedies of rest and relaxation, no super-stressful aerobics, but… didn’t work. I’m done waiting. Patience may be a virtue, but it’s not a strong suite of mine sad to say!!!!

So the Ortho Specialist got us in this afternoon, and we just got back. Dr. Specialist diagnosed not Jack’s leg, but his lower back. Yeah.  Possibly the same thing Cliff had- Degenerative Lumbosacral Stenosis. Jack wailed like a baby when he was palpitated just above his tail… obviously really sore. Dr. could tell that the shattered hock was really old and actually looked pretty good for an old injury- didn’t feel “crunchy” or anything. Unfortunately he wasn’t able to tell me what was going on exactly in Jack’s back. We need all new X-rays first (at the Specialist they run about $600+), then an MRI ($2,000+) then possibly surgery ($5,000+).

So now of course I’m at the awful intersection of “OMG how the f*ck do I pay for all of this?” and “How in the world could I say ‘no’ to ANY procedures or surgeries that could give Jack a better quality of life?” I mean he’s 4 years old~! He has more than half of his life ahead of him.  It’s just so discouraging to think about.

Anyway, sorry for the whiney post. It’s just so hard to see such a young dog suffering and faced with issues that seem insurmountable at this point *rummaging through medicine cabinet for Xanax*…Sigh.

Hanging out in the yard…

Eating blackberries right off the vine…

Reading. LOTS and lots of reading!…

Hiking at Clark Reservation, Delta Lake State Park, and the Skaneateles Conservation Area…

Watching beetles ‘do it’ like there’s no tomorrow…

Lots of naps in the shade…

Learning how to play with toys…

… and honing our “bitey-face” technique!

*Sadly, none of the chores on the “To-Do” List got done. Que sera, sera..life’s too short, right?

Jack is NOT a rough-houser/wrestler/etc with other dogs. In fact, he’s always gotten pretty offended when other dogs have tried to do that with him. HOWEVER… shock beyond shock… Lela has shown him that “Hey, Bitey-Face Wrestling is kind of fun!”  It’s really amazing to watch both dogs’ evolution…